calculator

My Calculator Tells Porkies

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MY CALCULATOR TELLS PORKIES 

A tad harsh maybe, but these mathematical gadgets are not infallible.

Trust me, the humble pocket calculator will produce incorrect answers if it is not hardwired with the correct order of operations. This becomes a problem which can be frustrating, even demoralising when used by younger students who already find mathematics daunting. It must be said, however, these delinquent calculators belong to the cheaper variety of the species.

Let me explain. If one such device is within reach enter the sum ‘20 – 4 x 2’ followed by the equal key. Should the display read 32 the calculator has given the WRONG result. The answer is twelve—yes twelve!

Twelve . . . twelve . . . twelve.  Reminds me of Geoff, from Year 7 back in the seventies, who had the coolest pronunciation for “twelve”.

“Twerrve’ he would say, “Twerrrrve.”  Give it a go. Say the word out loud yourself—slow and smooth. A silky sound reminiscent of Nat King Cole. 

“I’ve counted twerrve Mr Rees”

“Sir, what about twerrve?” 

“The time? The time is twerrve o’clock.”

Now please don’t accuse me of being politically incorrect or downright insensitive. This student had no speech impediment, merely a neat way of saying “twelve”. Every other word he used sounded normal—but not “twerrrve”. I confess at times I wrote a question on the board with the answer 12, just to elicit Geoff’s response.

“Yes, Geoff?”

“Twerrrrrrve Sir.”

Aah—just to savour the sweet sound of his mellifluous melodic phrasing.

But forgive me for waxing lyrical. Why is the answer to the above sum 12? 

In mathematics, we adhere to a set of conventions which dictate the order to perform operations. In our sum, the multiplication must be calculated before the subtraction. This gives 20-8 and a final solution of 12.

Note to self: Should you need to purchase a calculator for school first key in ‘10 – 4 x 2 =’. If the outcome is twerrrrrve, consider purchasing another model.

“I’ve dealt with numbers all my life, and after a while, you begin to feel that each number has a personality of its own.  Twelve is upright, conscientious, intelligent … whereas thirteen is a loner, a shady character …” Paul Auster (1947-) American Author.

Binary Nil – Bears One

“Hey there young lady; give me your ear.
This isn’t my room, what am I doing here?”

At the sound of the voice, Zelda glanced around her bedroom. Angel, Balloo, Caramel and Dandelion peeped at her from their usual possies. Not one of their furry faces flinched. She suspected the words came from Spongebob on the television in the next room. She heard the yellow, rectangular prism sigh. “Aw, cheer up Squid”, he said. “It could be worse.”

“Now look here Zelda, I belong in the study,
I shouldn’t be here; I’m your Dad’s best buddy.”

Jumping from her stool, Zelda stomped to the door. “Muuuum? Daaaaad?” No answer. Puzzled, she closed the door and yanked her books from the schoolbag. Her mathematics homework glared at her from the desk. She had decided to pinch her Dad’s calculator instead of doing the sums herself.

“I’m the new millennium abacus, Binary is my name,
Use me to cheat if you wish, but you must take the blame.”

The CE button flashed in time with the words. Zelda rubbed her eyes and stared in disbelief at the nine-by-six-centimetre calculator. “I’m dreaming, calculators can’t talk,” she said.
“That one did,” said Balloo.
She turned her head. Must be a dream, thought Zelda. Or maybe I’ve stumbled upon a cheeky calculator and a bunch of busy-body bears.
“OK, OK: Who’s the mischievous mammal?” No answer: although Zelda noticed her softies had raised their eyebrows. Determined to start her homework she opened to Page 136: Exercise 8B: part a). The question read: calculate 2+5×3. Zelda picked up Binary.

“Let’s try the first question; give me the sum,
Punch in the numerals; I get twenty-one.”

Zelda looked at twenty-one on the display.
“Whoa, wait on. Are you sure twenty-one is the answer?” This time Dandelion spoke.
Zelda glared at her furry friends. “Of course that’s the result. Two plus five equals seven; multiply by three gives twenty-one. Calculators always give the correct answers, right?”
“No, they don’t.” Angel joined the conversation.
“But they must give the right answer. What’s the use of a calculator that gives a wrong result?”
“It’s just … well … how can I say this? … Some cheap calculators tell porkies,” said Angel.

Hold on a moment, who said I’m cut-rate,
I’m one handsome gadget, no need to slate.

“Aaarrrgggh, I’m confused. I have a talking calculator giving me one answer and a pack of brainy bears telling me otherwise. So, soft toys A to D, what do you reckon is the correct result?”
The teddies looked at each other. Caramel began; “Zelda, didn’t your teacher tell you if a sum has no grouping symbols you must do multiplication and division before addition and subtraction.”
“Well, yes I do. We wrote down a rule like that in our mathematics book. So, if the sum is 2+5×3, first I multiply five by three which equals fifteen. Then I go back to the start of the sum; two plus the fifteen gives seventeen. Not twenty-one but seventeen; Binary, you gave me a dud solution.”

“It’s not my fault so please don’t get gruff
I’m just not hard-wired to do that stuff.”

“OK OK. Back to Dad’s study you go, Binary. I’m on my own now. There’s only one thing worse than cheating – cheating and getting the wrong answers. By the way Binary, why do you always speak in verse?”

“I always rap with words that rhyme,
‘Cause my keypad goes from one to nine.”

 

 

Postscript

This short story was my submission to an assignment in the Creative Writing course I completed through the Writers Bureau. https://www.writersbureau.com/writing/other-courses.htm. The assignment was to write a short story for a publication of my choice. I suggested “Binary-Nil: Bears-One” (word count 583) — based on the idea, “My Calculator Tells Porkies” — could be sent to Spider Magazine, a United States Publication which accepts unsolicited submissions for their magazine for children ages 6-9. I did send my story to Spider Magazine but received no reply.